melissaur

Just me & the world…

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 23:27:39 -0700

Just me & the world…

baby animals unite!!

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:03:33 -0800

baby animals unite!!

roflcoptr: Changes look exciting… but I’m really not prepared to...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:01:16 -0800

roflcoptr:

Changes look exciting… but I’m really not prepared to put up with the daily status updates of people bitching about it.

hahaha sooo true

Things are really turning around. I believe I may be onto something. TO BE CONTINUED!@#!

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:54:00 -0800

Things are really turning around. I believe I may be onto something. TO BE CONTINUED!@#!

What I want in life:

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:43:17 -0800

to be successful in my career. To find a place that I feel 100% comfortable settling into for my settled life. To be challenged daily by my work and the people around me. To always have my close friends. To be happy and mutually in love (some day in a far away land). To have good pets.

Not too much to ask for, right? Not that I’m asking for it. I’m making it happen. Because that’s how you get things done. Except for the significant other part. That’ll either come or it won’t, I just hope I don’t settle. Probably my number one fear. I do it too much.

Hmph.

Hollywoulddomeright

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:25:07 -0800

Hollywoulddomeright

What I realize though

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:20:40 -0800

is how unnervingly passionate I am about things, about everything.

What do I do, when you don’t know what you’re doing? How does that work? I’m a...

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:17:41 -0800

What do I do, when you don’t know what you’re doing? How does that work? I’m a risk taker. Things just work out that way. I put belief in things. I don’t know why, how, when did that happen? Is that right? Probably not. But it’s so easy, it’s so heavily in my nature….what am I doooooinggggg…..ughhh. Gonna give it up, give it a while, give it away, because things are not what you see, they’re not what they seem, they aren’t how you’d love them to be…I have to be a bigger person and turn my cheek, on something that never even turned to look at me, so why do you always think that that’s the way things work out, during the longest run-on sentence of all time? I want to be sorry for the way I behave sometimes as if things just will always run in my favor because I always believe it with all of my heart, but I don’t know how to explain that to anyone else, I don’t know if it’s ever something I’ll want to fix, because I’ll always want it to go that way, but those other people are so lucky, because they can live with the way that things are and the way they always will be, and somehow that will work out in the other’s favor, and this will never make sense to you.

Weird aches

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 20:56:49 -0800

What is really irritating is how spotty the internet connection is here. I can’t watch tv shows online (which is the only way I can do it for the few shows I rarely watch due to my schedule) without it taking at least 3 times as long as the show actually lasts due to constant buffering. My patience wanes, and I give up. Irritating.

So I’m here, in LA. I live on the border of Burbank. By Mulholland Drive, Runyon Cayon, Griffith Park. About a block from Disney, the WB lot. I work in Hollywood. Hancock park, I think…something like that. I’m pretty well placed here but I don’t know all the neighborhood names and stuff like that quite yet. It’s huge. HUGE. Like Boston is probably smaller than Burbank alone. It’s also beautiful. There is an ocean, dessert, mountains, canyons. It rains sometimes but BIGFREAKINDEAL. I have yet to experience the overwhelming smog that forms on the city. There is every type of foliage. There is literally something to do for any desire you may have. The people here are not all blonde, plasticky wrecks. I actually haven’t encountered any of them at all…although I have a general idea on where you could. Everyone here is happy. Strangers are nice, friendly even. People help people. Driving is good. Yeah, there are a lot of cars, but besides the douchebags that are anywhere you go, everyone here generally knows HOW to drive, which is a great asset (the exclusion to this = when it rains). There’s just so much. There’s so much to find good. I don’t get the bad stigma this city has. What I think it is, is that it is so ridiculously great that the people who don’t live here are just a little mad about it and so they make it into a stinkhole so no one else moves here either.

Just another of my life theories.

My personal life is back to normal, where it should be. I think I’m going to make an effort to stay out of the committed relationship area until I am sure that I am truly ready and happy with who that person is. After a bit of thought and revisiting decisions and relationships, I feel as though I get into them out of the stability and comfort that they provide me versus the true happiness in investing in the relationship itself. I guess that it has been happening for so long that it is rather easy for me to slip into that dip. But, as you may well know, honesty is my strong point and I hope to keep it alive and well with any interested parties. I just don’t see much of a reason to get into any exclusive relationship at this point in my life, as dating will suffice. I’m just starting to get in my field and am unwilling to put this on hold or move any part of my life for another person, as I need both my ambitions and life passions as well as real other-person-happiness to be balanced and whole.

In other words, life is fun again.

Which by the way, I have been totally immersing myself into the comedy scene here, which is completely amazing and have realized that my true love is laughter and from now on I shouldn’t even bother looking at a guy that can’t make me laugh. I mean seriously…it’s me!!! I think I’d rather kiss an ashtray than a wet blanket.

Still

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 15:41:17 -0800

Things change. Time, people, situations. But life moves on. The very little constant in my life is my path to finish school and be successful in what I so strongly desire to do. Making bad decisions is part of life. I’ve made my share of them. I feel like I’ve experienced and learned a lot in my short little life. Still, sometimes it’s easier to make the wrong choice. Even if that means not making one.

I've

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 21:16:00 -0700

done it again, surprise. Be prepared to be surprised. I’m so full of them. Sometimes the best part of life is living it, doing it, experiencing it, and making grand gestures.

Got another

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 21:32:37 -0800

j-o-b. On the spot. And I’m really excited because I actually love serving and it’s lots of money ($11-13/hr) and my roommate used to work there and bring home food and wine and it’s SUPER flexible (I’m on call). And I train on Tuesday and then I start. Now I will be able to afford food again! And pay my bills. And fund my portion of our film. AND save for Europe. Best idea ever. Yay!

In other news, I am going to float this summer. This is not really news, I’ve known this for a while, however, I have not yet told you (internet). I am very excited to float because I have wanted to forever…well not really, because I just heard about it not too long ago. But when I heard about it, I freaked out because it was my newest priority in life. SOOO gonna do that. And also hang out a lot. That’s really my plan for the summer…besides EUROPE, you know, and hopefully SIGGRAPH. Oh boy.

Evan is subletting my place for the summer! WHICH IS AWESOME. Sooo much stress relieved. Oh and I already have a place for September! Soo much stress relieved. Now all there is to do is figure out summer storage, find someone to sublet for the spring, and plan out how I’m moving all my stuff back to Illinois in the winter!

It feels really great when things work out and they come together and when you are happpyyyyyy.

It's better there

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:54:33 -0800

Oh the heartland.

She is

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:34:37 -0800

I AM SO READY FOR THE SUMMER. I hope I can get a job for the month before Europe. I hope I can get a job for the month after Europe. I hope that I spend a lot of good times at home. I won’t have to come back and move until a few days before school. I don’t know what I’m going to do for storage. It’s going to be soooo expensive. Ugh. But not ugh=this summer. I’m pretty sure it has some definite potential to be the best of my life. I mean tough to top last summer, yes, but I think, even though I might be spending a lot of it at home, it will be fantastic.

Also, SIGGRAPH—PLEASE accept me!!! And PLEASEEEE give me travel assistance funds and housing so I can attend you!! And put my foot in the door! I want this life that I’m building so badly! I’m just a little poor.

I miss my babies. I can’t wait to spend the summer with them! Yay Illinois!

Hope

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:49:00 -0800

I see you there. Kiss the stars for me please. I’ll be in my dreams. We’ll meet there, just wait for me. It’s probably only another story.

You’re not my only hope but sometimes I root for you with curiosity in mind.

so let go

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 18:05:22 -0800

I am not a product of consumerism, I am not infantilized. I miss you so much. I wish I documented my whole life; if I had another, I would watch it over. I have the capacity for original thought. I appreciate life. I miss the summer, I miss my freckles. I want to sit on my roof all evening with my eyes as a camera, and remember every second of the sunset. I want the air to blanket me. I want to live my life and pursue my dreams, but I want to experience it twice as bad. I insist I’ll be alright. I need people tonight. I am almost positive I’m done running in circles. I think I’ve lost my touch. I don’t think I hurt anymore, I think memories pain me because of the threat of never being there again, wholly. There are so many people in the world.

It is

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:10:29 -0800

I put too much stock in things. I have unreasonable expectations.

I love you this much

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 21:17:56 -0800

I don’t have much to say. It is really difficult to delete your identity from the internet. Lately, the unfolding events of my life have come at increasingly bad timing. No longer do I consider these things luck, just life. I’ve been wondering how in retrospect I don’t understand where my feelings come from sometimes. Or if they exist. Or if I instinctively place them there to fill a void, and they dissipate as soon as I realize my mistake. Distance is such an intangible thing. Time. I don’t know. Just another night. Just another person to reach out to that pulls me in just in time for me to let go. Let me put it into perspective. I am moving 6+ times in three years. Before I moved to Boston I had never moved once in my life. I am extremely passionate about human relationships and nurturing connections between people in many different mediums. I have faith in humanity. I also crave someone that “gets” me but am terrified to stumble upon it before I stop moving around the world….

Little Miss Sunshine

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:06:19 -0800

So I watched this film with my mom when I was home, a few days before I left. Of course it wasn’t the first time I had seen it, but it was for her. I’ve always loved this movie, for most of the reasons that everyone else did, but I just realized something else.

It is my script.

For my short subject screenwriting class, we’re writing a 2-page script based on some event from our childhood. I thought about it a little in class, wondering what I would write, and when I opened the word document tonight I just started going, without a thought—I would, of course, tell of my ‘tail. I was little miss ponytail! And my whole, dysfunctional family poured in our family station wagon, with the top felt ripped down and re-installed via thumbtacks, year after year. Racing down the highways, watching the corn fields pass in the heat of july, thinking, someone should put it into a movie, because it was always so beautiful to me, minus the smell (which I now, oddly, appreciate). It is my story. My brother was 16 with long hair and tie dyed shirts and ripped up, huge baggy jeans, I wore my one-piece American flag jumper with my matching tennis shoes, and we proudly paraded into the Illinois State Fair on pagent day, knowing I would retain my title.

Ah, those were good days and I kind of miss them. Anyway, I never even considered how much I truly related to that movie until just now.

This is a bulletin.

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:22:40 -0800

I am happy to be back to life. I missed the parties we had here. I forgot how much fun I have. Feels good to be back constantly surrounded by friends. I’ve been a little emotional about my cat. I really miss him. More than normal. I also miss talking. I want someone to talk to again. But it’s probably not you, so don’t bother. This weekend has lasted forever. Classes finally start tomorrow for me. Not really looking forward to jumping back in to school life. Gotta get a job within the next two days, but I know what I’m going to do, so I’m not worried, I just don’t want to go and do it. I did something a little dumb the other night, but not as dumb as normal for me. I have mixed feelings on a lot of stuff right now. The end.