Thursday, January 12, 2006:

“I truly believe and feel that I know where I should be. I am there physically, but not emotionally. I am no longer allowed to be there emotionally. Is this it? Is this the part where I leave for good? Is this the last of my happiness in this place? That is so disheartening to imagine. I want it to not be true. But every time I turn back, it is.

my heart is beating a million miles a minute and i’ve never been so vunerable and open in my entire life. and i leave it all to millions of people because i trust. i trust you, and i have no idea why. all of you. what a weirdo. i’m so different from anyone that i’ve ever known. i am so open to anyone who will listen and even those who i don’t know are (YOU.), but there is this level of connection with people that i don’t often get that is so much more, something that when most people get they will open up. i’m backwards. backwards.

thank you for the conversation. it was so nice to talk to someone…someone real!! someone that understood, basically someone that conversed. i’m so weird about meeting people. when i meet people, they change my life. almost always. my life is so weird. it’s so worthwhile. i wish you knew how much people inspire me. it’s lifechanging.

i want to show someone someday.

believe in me.

show me something.”

It’s kind of strange that two years, two years of your life can go by and you can still feel the same way. I remember, I can still feel every piece of myself that I put into every one of those words.  And I still believe every one of them with all of my heart.