Things are really turning around. I believe I may be onto something. TO BE CONTINUED!@#!
to be successful in my career. To find a place that I feel 100% comfortable settling into for my settled life. To be challenged daily by my work and the people around me. To always have my close friends. To be happy and mutually in love (some day in a far away land). To have good pets.
Not too much to ask for, right? Not that I’m asking for it. I’m making it happen. Because that’s how you get things done. Except for the significant other part. That’ll either come or it won’t, I just hope I don’t settle. Probably my number one fear. I do it too much.
Hmph.
is how unnervingly passionate I am about things, about everything.
What do I do, when you don’t know what you’re doing? How does that work? I’m a risk taker. Things just work out that way. I put belief in things. I don’t know why, how, when did that happen? Is that right? Probably not. But it’s so easy, it’s so heavily in my nature….what am I doooooinggggg…..ughhh. Gonna give it up, give it a while, give it away, because things are not what you see, they’re not what they seem, they aren’t how you’d love them to be…I have to be a bigger person and turn my cheek, on something that never even turned to look at me, so why do you always think that that’s the way things work out, during the longest run-on sentence of all time? I want to be sorry for the way I behave sometimes as if things just will always run in my favor because I always believe it with all of my heart, but I don’t know how to explain that to anyone else, I don’t know if it’s ever something I’ll want to fix, because I’ll always want it to go that way, but those other people are so lucky, because they can live with the way that things are and the way they always will be, and somehow that will work out in the other’s favor, and this will never make sense to you.
What is really irritating is how spotty the internet connection is here. I can’t watch tv shows online (which is the only way I can do it for the few shows I rarely watch due to my schedule) without it taking at least 3 times as long as the show actually lasts due to constant buffering. My patience wanes, and I give up. Irritating.
So I’m here, in LA. I live on the border of Burbank. By Mulholland Drive, Runyon Cayon, Griffith Park. About a block from Disney, the WB lot. I work in Hollywood. Hancock park, I think…something like that. I’m pretty well placed here but I don’t know all the neighborhood names and stuff like that quite yet. It’s huge. HUGE. Like Boston is probably smaller than Burbank alone. It’s also beautiful. There is an ocean, dessert, mountains, canyons. It rains sometimes but BIGFREAKINDEAL. I have yet to experience the overwhelming smog that forms on the city. There is every type of foliage. There is literally something to do for any desire you may have. The people here are not all blonde, plasticky wrecks. I actually haven’t encountered any of them at all…although I have a general idea on where you could. Everyone here is happy. Strangers are nice, friendly even. People help people. Driving is good. Yeah, there are a lot of cars, but besides the douchebags that are anywhere you go, everyone here generally knows HOW to drive, which is a great asset (the exclusion to this = when it rains). There’s just so much. There’s so much to find good. I don’t get the bad stigma this city has. What I think it is, is that it is so ridiculously great that the people who don’t live here are just a little mad about it and so they make it into a stinkhole so no one else moves here either.
Just another of my life theories.
My personal life is back to normal, where it should be. I think I’m going to make an effort to stay out of the committed relationship area until I am sure that I am truly ready and happy with who that person is. After a bit of thought and revisiting decisions and relationships, I feel as though I get into them out of the stability and comfort that they provide me versus the true happiness in investing in the relationship itself. I guess that it has been happening for so long that it is rather easy for me to slip into that dip. But, as you may well know, honesty is my strong point and I hope to keep it alive and well with any interested parties. I just don’t see much of a reason to get into any exclusive relationship at this point in my life, as dating will suffice. I’m just starting to get in my field and am unwilling to put this on hold or move any part of my life for another person, as I need both my ambitions and life passions as well as real other-person-happiness to be balanced and whole.
In other words, life is fun again.
Which by the way, I have been totally immersing myself into the comedy scene here, which is completely amazing and have realized that my true love is laughter and from now on I shouldn’t even bother looking at a guy that can’t make me laugh. I mean seriously…it’s me!!! I think I’d rather kiss an ashtray than a wet blanket.
Things change. Time, people, situations. But life moves on. The very little constant in my life is my path to finish school and be successful in what I so strongly desire to do. Making bad decisions is part of life. I’ve made my share of them. I feel like I’ve experienced and learned a lot in my short little life. Still, sometimes it’s easier to make the wrong choice. Even if that means not making one.
